Ok, wow, it's been a while since I blogged. I'm here again, though, because I'm hoping I can get some advice. (Erm, some bitching ahead, so if you happen to be having a good day until now, don't read it because it might spoil your day. If you're feeling gossipy, do read on)
You see, I'm on exchange now and I'm living in an 'apartment' style building where I share the floor with 16 other people. Most of the flat-mates are decent enough people, even if some don't really clean after themselves in the kitchen. Those are a bit irritating, but ultimately tolerable.
What has been really, really vexing us (and by us, we mean most of the female population here, all of us ethnic chinese) was this guy who has amazingly low sense of self consciousness. Right from the first conversation he already acted very condescending, bitching about how the place was really dirty and how some people smoke and don't go to church - while standing very close and resting his hand on the wall, effectively blocking my way - and not giving me any chance to reply. He's the kind of guy who talks at you, not to you and certainly not interested in having a conversation with you.
Fine, we all felt the initial condition of the flat was disgusting enough; sure, a few smoke, but they don't do it in the flat and they're very decent people; but did he have to be so condescending about it and act as if I don't know anything or am not civilized because I'm an Asian girl, who 'probably come from some third world country where people live on trees'?
I was still civil with him after that, because unfortunately we are stuck in the same flat for the semester. My flat-mates have worse first impressions: he asked one of them, another Asian girl, what she thought about one-night stands while standing in her doorway, the first time they met. He kept wanting to touch us - once to my friend who just came out of the shower, still wrapped in a towel.
He seems to have a thing for Asian girls. He pretty much ignored the other girls (one white and one latin american), though he called one of them a slut. (which she is not, at all, she's a good flat-mate, and just imagine how you feel when someone calls your friend a slut) He kept harassing us Asian girls, and when he talks at us, not only is he condescending, he also smile in such a way that makes you feel really disgusted. Eventually, we all started ignoring him, even when he hovers around - oh gosh, does he know how to hover - while we cook and keeps talking nonsense.
("Do you know that the weather is beautiful today? Look at the sun! Did you know that the sun provides vitamin D? Whenever there is sun I just go out and enjoy, you know, and I will be energized."
I was seriously tempted to say, then why are you standing in here bothering us? Go out and get your freaking sunlight!)
He doesn't care if we're doing something else, he just demands attention by interrupting whatever we are doing. Once, one of the girls had a guy friend visiting, the creepy guy went to her door (and he doesn't even live on this corridor!) and saw him. She told him that her friend is visiting and thus can't talk to him now, and he just turned to the guy and asked, 'What is your relationship with her?' WTH?
Sometimes he tries to acknowledge that he was being ignored, by saying things like, "You know, it is not polite to ignore me when I'm talking to you. You have to respect me." Him? Talking about respect?
Oh, we had several confrontations with him, both alone and together. He thinks we are freaking shy because we are ignoring him. Once, he tried to enter a friend's room without permission, and she told him very, very firmly that it was disrespectful of him and what is actually respectful behavior. He laughed it off and didn't change one bit.
Another friend told him flatly that she doesn't want to talk to him, and he laughed it off as well. Today, he tried to touch me again (not at sensitive areas) and I told him very firmly that touching people when you have no right to is rude, and that respect has to be earned, not demanded.
Guess what? He laughed it off again.
In fact, what really vexes me is that he seems to get a high out of being scolded. The way he smiles/laugh it off, it's as if he's like, "Ah, see, this doggie is finally responding to me". And he just go back acting exactly as if the confrontation did not happen.
How do I deal with a guy like him???
Ignoring him didn't work as a strategy. Confronting him is like talking to a wall that laughs back at you. Getting authorities (housing agency?) involved is rather premature, because we don't have any evidence against him and he didn't commit any criminal offense; he's just being a condescending jerk that is making most of the girls here uncomfortable (even the guys don't really like him, but it's funny, he talks about how he feels lonely because we don't talk to him, but he doesn't seem to try and talk to the male residents) And none of us can run away or hide because we live here (and he always, always try to be in the kitchen when we cook).
I'm thinking of telling him very, very honestly and concisely that he is a condescending jerk. (So far we confronted him about specific issues and about the need for respect, but 'respect' seems to be a hard concept for him) I don't think he'll get it, though.
Just try and live with it for another two months? Oh well. Just hope he doesn't do anything drastic, like putting stuff in our food or something.
How can someone be so oblivious? Someone who cannot see that the problem lies with himself? Normally if people ignore you or tell you flatly that they are offended by you or don't feel that they're being respected, you'd at least try to do some self-examination right? He seems to think the problem is us being shy. Because we're Asian girls from backward countries.
(His favorite question the past few days, "How many inhabitants do you think live in China? 100million? 200 million?" Seriously? Do you read the papers? How can anyone not heard of the statistic at least once? And why can't he just google?)
Oh, and because we don't go to church. I mean, I have nothing against any religion, but he acts as if his religion is supreme and the only valid one - he once asked, 'Why don't you go to church?', I replied, 'Why do you assume everyone is Christian?', and he actually told me, 'Because there is only one god.'
I was speechless, because I never encountered anyone with such lack of respect for people who are just different. (And I really appreciate how I'm brought up in a multi-cultural community, by the way, now more than ever)
Trust me, I'm not the only one having issues with this. The girl who told him (very early on) that she didn't want to talk to him is a Christian herself, and she is especially vexed by the fact that he is giving her religion a bad name.
I really wonder what kind of environment he grew up in that makes him someone so lacking in self awareness and inter-cultural communication skills. He either grew up in a super tiny community with homogenous population and no internet access, or he is filthy rich and is used to people clamoring for his attention. Or he is just plain spoiled.
I have never, ever, met someone who sunk so low. I think I might just pop by the counselor's office to try and find a way to deal with this. Or just tell him he is a condescending jerk, and hope he doesn't explode and make things ugly.
*
But seriously, though, he is just the worst part of my exchange. Otherwise, I'm having fun, so don't worry too much. I just feel ggaaaaarrrrhhhh!!! when I come back from class and have to deal with him when I cook.
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